Day 4

Wednesday, August 28th

Today when I woke up my foot hurt pretty badly. It was difficult to get a shower and get dressed. I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed with emotions during breakfast but kept quiet. Using a crutch is a little tricky. I am getting down on myself because I have to go slower than molasses in January and I hate being a burden when we have so much that needs to be done here. Today I am praying with all my heart that the Lord will take away enough of the pain so that I will be able to walk on my own and keep up with the others.

The team left to go back to Roots after breakfast and working on projects, digging holes and ditches and building the outdoor shower. I stayed behind.

While I was at Botanica alone, the kind older woman who works here came over and began to watch over me. She put her arm around me and helped me make my way hopping on one foot back to my room to take medecine. She waited outside my door and helped me all the way back to sit in a chair and ice my foot. She barely speaks a word of broken english but her heart spoke to me and I care for her and the other women and children who work here very deeply. They have found a place in my heart and I want to build a relationship with them beyond just this trip.

Soon, Mandi and Shayla arrived and I went with them and "Boss" in the tuk tuk to look at different beautiful tropical plants. Mandi wanted me to be involved in deciding on some of the trees, fruits, flowers and vines that would be planted at Roots. I was so happy to be doing something productive....even though I haven't got a gardening bone in my body (luckily I remembered stuff my sister has taught me) and it was fun to discuss ideas about plants that are not only beautiful but also a source of food, or shade or various other uses. I tried getting out at the first location but the ground was pretty uneven and the pathways were steep so after almost falling at the first place I decided to wait in the tuk tuk at the other locations and just see things from a distance. Besides, my foot was throbbing. Oh well. Mandi took a lot of pictures and we will also collaborate on Pinterest. Can't wait to share with my sister and hear her ideas too.

At lunch today we had fish soup....with the heads and tails! I sipped a bit and ate my rice. Not sure I feel adventurous enough for a fish head. Funny thing is Mandi's boys fight over who is going to get the heads because they love them! Oh my! Well, as it so happens Dan was chowing down on his soup and rice when he accidentally ate a fish eyeball! It was pretty funny. Not sure he quite knew what to think of that but he is a good sport.

Our worship time was wonderful. The Holy Spirit is moving and doing a great and powerful work in this place and it is starting with this family and this small group of people surrounding us. People who have found hope in eternity through Jesus and they know how special that gift is. They can't contain it. They want to share it with anyone and everyone. It is contageous and joyfilled and inspirational.

Before our community outreach I sat and cut out large butterflies from colorful construction paper while Gabi quietly rolled back and forth on the tile floor sitting on a skateboard. Kim is going to read a book about the life of a butterfly to the children and talk to them about how God created the butterflies and he created all things in the world and in nature. She will tell them how when he created us he took special care and he said we are his masterpieces. He loves us.

The children listened attentively and enjoyed decorating their butterflies. They also especially loved when they got to do the songs and games again and Brad (the children pronounce his name "Bread" - ha, ha) did the chainsaw dance with them again.
*And another funny sidenote: during the adult Bible study a chicken apparently flew up and landed on Dan's head! Mandi got the giggles and could hardly contain herself. Oh my, what a sight it must have been. Especially if you know how our sweet Dan completely freaks out and tends to have a grand reaction in awkward situations. Too funny! Wish I could have seen that. Thank goodness it was more of an inside joke and most of the people gathered didn't even notice so the study just continued on like nothing happened.

The children we spent time with are so very precious. I pray their hearts will be open to the truth of the gospel and to the love that comes from Jesus. I pray we will show them his love. I pray that after we leave they will continue to gather and learn about Jesus and be filled with his word, to grow in his light and share in his promises. I pray they will be set free from the false gods and false religions that have been engrained so deeply into their culture and traditions. I know that for us this would be an impossible task to tackle but for God all things are possible.

The heat this afternoon became more than my foot could handle. I had it wrapped and was sitting on a flat surface with my leg stretched out but it swelled up so much I could not move my toes and it began to hurt a lot. We got a chunk of ice and unwrapped my bandage so they could re-wrap it with the ice wrapped against my foot. It hurt so fiercely I almost completely destroyed the large water bottle I was holding from squeezing it so tightly and biting my lips so I would not cry out. I thought the pain would never pass and a section of my foot on the far right side all the way up to my toes turned deep green. Eventually it numbed.

By that time the outreach was coming to an end. I felt sad that this was our last day to come here with these wonderful people and beautiful children eager to hear about this one true God we were telling them about. I know there was one woman in the adult group that said she believed what they were saying about God and she wanted to accept Jesus as her savior but she wanted to know how she was suppose to change and get rid of all of the traditions and things that were part of her everyday life.
       "Oh Lord please raise up a godly Cambodian man to be called here to Kep to disciple the people and to lead them in your word. They need more than we are able to give them in this short amount of time. They need to grow deep roots of faith through the hearing of your word, through discipleship and christian fellowship. Lord I pray for an indiginous church to rise up and flourish in Kep. Right now there is no church at all here Lord. The closest is a tiny church in a neighboring village and this area is so large and Kep is a growing town with thousands of people desperate for a savior. Lord, I thank you that you led Mandi here to this place . I pray that your name will be glorified and the work you have begun will prosper."

Crystal helped me  get back to my bungalo to lie down and prop up my foot with ice. I was at my emotional, mental and physical wits end at this point and desperately trying to hold it together against my bursting seams. Once I was alone I broke. I broke completely. I had a huge sobbing ugly cry and a gut wrenching talk with Jesus. I cried out to him like I never have before. Looking back I realize that he had brought me to a place where all I could do was surrender and rely completely on him. I couldn't just go to the clinic or hospital. I was in a state of desperation where the people around me had done all they were capable of doing and anything else would only be able to come from God. I poured myself out, laying all the raw emotions at his feet. I asked him if he was there with me. I asked him to show himself to me in a real and tangible way by being my healer. I wanted more than anything to claim a healing from Jesus like the people in the Bible stories I'd known since I was a child. And I questioned why it wouldn't happen.....was my faith not strong enough? How can my faith grow stronger? I begged Jesus to please, please show himself to me and just take away enough of the pain so that I could walk on my own with the team during the rest of our journey through Cambodia.

Then, completely exhausted and emotionally spent I let my head fall back against my pillow and I fell into a heavy sleep.

Not too long after, I woke to the voices of Shayla and Crystal coming to the room. They had me use Shayla's phone to face time Jeremy. I didn't want him to see me like this and worry but I'm glad they had me call. I don't remember all that we talked about but I do remember one thing he told me that hit me hard, deep in my heart. He said, "you need to remember that the work you guys are doing in Cambodia is a spiritual work, don't let the physical distract from that". Oh, I so needed to be reminded of that. Thank you Lord for using him to speak truth to me. Jeremy told me that there were many people praying and they would continue to pray not just for my healing but that God's will would be done here and His name would be glorified.

That evening my spirits were lifted greatly. We had dinner at Sailing Club. It was right on the beach. The view looking out over the ocean toward the distant islands at sunset was seriously breathtaking. One of the most glorious I've ever seen in my whole life. It was a magnificent living artwork.

Our dinner was a combination of delicious foods, laughter, easy conversation, budding friendships and fellowship as a family of believers joined together. I was happy to sit across from Mandi. She is wonderful to talk with and I love getting to know her more and more.

I slept my best, deepest and most restful, peace-filled night of sleep tonight. (with ice on my elevated foot)